i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
