I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
