By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
organizing the empties. That sober.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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