Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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