so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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