Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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