Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
