That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
