She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fill condoms, not promises.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize