I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
