I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
