hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
