You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
