So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
