This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
that's an acceptable place to lick
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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