i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
