So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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