And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
