Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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