She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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