He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
