Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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