It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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