Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
