He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
