she was so not down for the gang bang
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize