so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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