can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you never un-have a 4some
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
