Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
