he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
