Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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