All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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