my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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