i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
