I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
