wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
