You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
