in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
