ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
