On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
