My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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