Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
