I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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