You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
