What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize