i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
