is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
