It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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