I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
