I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
