My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
