my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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