when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
