tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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