You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize