Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
