ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
