May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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