she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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