i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
