I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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