So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
