I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
