Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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