How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
