There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
