spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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