what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
