Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize