Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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