the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
