thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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