I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
