my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
