u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
