So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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