Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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