I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize