So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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