her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
