i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
