so explain again why im purple
no
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
