ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
