i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
