Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
