Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
