you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
