I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
