i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
