found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
