some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
