Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
