Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
