He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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